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I haven’t seen you personally in 3 years but every night, you come to life in my dreams. Every day that passes by is a day closer until I see your flawless face again. Do you know how many letters I’ve written for you? How many personal posts I’ve made or how many times I fantasized about you? I’ve pictured your return for the past few years and the nerves never fail to overwhelm me. This year closes without you, but begins with you. Our anniversary is coming up, though I’m sure you won’t care. I was on facebook the other night and saw pictures of your prom night. She’s pretty, but I’m not happy for you.. no. I’m bitter, angry, resentful… I hope it fails for you and you break completely. I hope you feel the torment and pain I have felt for the past 4 years of our on and off relationship. You’re the worst part of my life, the biggest pain and my biggest struggle. I hoped and wished for your love and attention, your devotion and loyalty but now, I’m just angry. 

You’re STILL the nicest thing I’ve ever seen. I tell myself that seeing you wont change anything or the progress I’ve made but I know that’s a lie. I won’t lie to myself and say you don’t mean anything to me or that I’m not nervous about being in front of you. It’s all I’ve waited for and counted down to. It’s what I’ve dreamt of for the past few months, weeks, hours.. and just knowing that you’re in the same state as me makes me want to puke from nervousness. I hate your effect on me.

As 2013 closes, I remember everything I went through. I’ve had some of the hardest emotional moments of my life this year. I went through life changing events and learnt many valuable lessons. I graduated from high school and entered the university. I had 2 proms, one which i was drugged in and another which I met Wade in. I got my first car and wrecked it in an unexpected accident (though I wasn’t at fault, I learned not to go out late) I went through many different groups of friends and met so many new people. I moved to a different city, grew up as a person, and realized so many things about myself and this world. I have explored the field of love yet seem to hold on to the same person. Grateful for life and love and friends. With tears in my eyes provoked by happiness and sadness, I look onto the new year that approaches and the year I leave behind. 

To 2014’s beginning and 2013’s end. 

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