I haven’t seen you personally in 3 years but every night, you come to life in my dreams. Every day that passes by is a day closer until I see your flawless face again. Do you know how many letters I’ve written for you? How many personal posts I’ve made or how many times I fantasized about you? I’ve pictured your return for the past few years and the nerves never fail to overwhelm me. This year closes without you, but begins with you. Our anniversary is coming up, though I’m sure you won’t care. I was on facebook the other night and saw pictures of your prom night. She’s pretty, but I’m not happy for you.. no. I’m bitter, angry, resentful… I hope it fails for you and you break completely. I hope you feel the torment and pain I have felt for the past 4 years of our on and off relationship. You’re the worst part of my life, the biggest pain and my biggest struggle. I hoped and wished for your love and attention, your devotion and loyalty but now, I’m just angry.
You’re STILL the nicest thing I’ve ever seen. I tell myself that seeing you wont change anything or the progress I’ve made but I know that’s a lie. I won’t lie to myself and say you don’t mean anything to me or that I’m not nervous about being in front of you. It’s all I’ve waited for and counted down to. It’s what I’ve dreamt of for the past few months, weeks, hours.. and just knowing that you’re in the same state as me makes me want to puke from nervousness. I hate your effect on me.